As for me, I've discovered why I do what I do.
I went through a photo album of their camp recently. Seeing how some of the kids have changed since their time here, it amazes me.
It renews the gratefulness in my heart for the chance to have been given a job where I can witness how lives are genuinely touched and changed.
To see their growth, and how they have matured and developed ... it's phenomenal, really. It makes me smile, and touches my heart.
May I never take for granted what I have. Omygoodness.
I'm getting married in a few months.
Marriage is more than just a day ... so why is it many people are focused only on "the" big day?
There's the rest of life to think about.
For us, we need to decide where to live. I think that's the most pertinent question yet to be answered.
Lord, please help us to get our promised land ... and to find a place to stay while waiting for the house to be constructed! I watched Alice in Wonderland yesterday. Boy asked me how it was, and my immediate reply was about how gorgeous the dresses were. It was really interesting to see the way her "original" blue dress evolved as she grew and shrunk ... it differed, naturally, but still in similar vein. My favourite was the one the Mad Hatter fashioned for her when she was in super-tiny mode, but there doesn't seem to be any stills of that portion of the movie. O how I would love to have a dress like that! We have been in saying in church that this is going to be our best year yet. Personally, from November last year I was excited about 2010 and what was to come ... felt that it was going to be a great year. I still feel that way. HOWEVER. Great year doesn't mean smooth-sailing year. 2005 was a terrific year for me, and personally, I feel, one of the best years that I've ever had, really. When I look back, no, it wasn't smooth sailing, and lots of things happened. Yet it really was one of the best years I've ever had. I overcame things, learnt a lot, discovered more about myself, and so the list goes on. And so that means this year ... there will be challenges, but I am determined to overcome, or at least try. Billy has reminded me that I need to be diligent in working hard to succeed, to overcome. He is right in saying so - I am so flighty, I don't really like doing things for long stretches of time. But I must, I really must. And so it is. Here's to a great year ahead for us all. May the victories we savour be ever so sweet ... (: When something that you have always dreamed of happens when you least expect it almost in the way you imagined ... the feeling is absolutely priceless. I asked for a double portion when I was 18. I've always wanted it. And yesterday, I finally got it. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness, and just absolutely contented. The moment of inspiration is NOT the time to start building.
SIT DOWN FIRST. Get educated about the project, ascertain your resources, estimate all the cost then multiply by at least 2. Generally a worthwhile project can take up to 10 times the money, time, energy and resources you think it would! - Phil Pringle
Wise words indeed I wish I had taken into consideration earlier! Of late I have been thinking of moving, of doing more, of ... of a lot of things.
I received a call just now asking me to go for a round 2 with a pitch.
I should be elated; why do I instead find myself filled with dread and apprehension?
It can't just be the Monday blues. I know there's more to it than meets the eye.
This is where I really need the truth lens ... I need to get to the bottom of this really quick before Friday rolls around.
The lack of sleep has not helped much ... I think I really need to go and hibernate for a while, get rejuvenated and then roll on with life.
The CNY holiday period can't come any sooner for me ... I really need the break x 100000000000. I just had an epiphany. We give because we love. And obviously while you don't want to force or compel the other person to give in return, to say thanks, or to tell you that they love you ... who wouldn't want to be appreciated and loved in return? Love and thanksgiving flows out of a grateful heart. So when I saw the present from my father nicely wrapped with a big red ribbon sitting beside my table, I ran to it to open it. Little did I expect it was a perfume set! It was really unexpected, and so I happily ran to my phone to hammer a thank you message away. And that's when I had my epiphany. You can't force love, certainly not. The only way to foster the growth of love is to keep on giving, instead of focusing on what you receive. I know my father will never read this, but thank you daddy. Beyond the gift, the love, the heart, and how you always look out for me. Hugs and love. Christmas is here!
Yet again I sorta missed catching the spirit, falling sick and whatnot ... but God is good, I am recovering well.
Tomorrow should be heaps fun. Having a boxing day family brunch at Hediard the day after.
Merry Christmas everyone!
 | The Ride | Dec 21, '09 10:36 AM
for everyone |
I'm still sick, so I went to see the doctor today. I typed out one full entry with my amazement at how they deliver their diagnosis - whether it be smiles, or the lackadasical attitude ... or maybe its just the doctors that I meet who are just like that. In any case, I needed to help Billy run errands after the appt, so off I went quickly to do what needed to be done. Along the way I saw this trishaw uncle. He sat there, asking people every now and then if they wanted a ride. My mum and I used to go for trishaw rides back when we lived in Kembangan, and those were really good times. We'd talk and enjoy the sites while heading back. I looked at the man, and wondered how long he'd have to wait for business. So on a whim, I decided to approach him and see how much it'd be for a ride to a mall. He was shocked because as a Singaporean, obviously I could take a train. But I pressed on, and he told me it'd be $5. My threshold was $10 - because that's how much one previous ride with my cousin cost me. So being half the amount, I happily hopped on, and off we went. People stared in wonder, and he happily waved at them. My phone rang, so while talking, I would beam at random people. It was quite funny, really, to see the reactions. But more than that, it was a really interesting journey. To see the world from a different view, to feel the roads, to imagine how life was like back then where trishaws and rickshaws were the defacto mode of transport .... ... and most importantly, to me, to be able to hear the stories the man had to tell. He would point out stuff to me and tell me things I wouldn't have otherwise heard, he shared his thoughts and portions of his life with me. I don't know what it is with me and people lately - I just want to be able to help people who look like they could do with business, and the stories that I have been hearing have really tugged my heart strings. He was quite efficient in weaving his way through traffic - perhaps the fact that I am light contributed to his ease of movement. The trishaw can take up to 400 kilos ... it makes me wonder how this old man does it. Singapore roads aren't easy, believe you me - there are so many little bumps, the odd inclines, the turns along the roads, impatient drivers ... gosh. The whole journey was a real breather of fresh air which was obviously not very fresh, but the ride itself was a complete perk-me-up. I hopped off once we reached the "destination" which was actually not my destination - he'd reached a different place - but it didn't matter. The ride did. He beamed at me, and told me I was the first Singaporean passenger he had in ages. I beamed back at him, and told him I'd pay him $8 instead. Not that I have a lot of cash to spare, but money is so hard to come by for him these days. STB is killing these guys with their completely over-rated trishaw tours and ghastly rates - $25 and up per person, and for 40 minutes. The uncle I met was willing to give me a tour - yes, me, a Singaporean, an hour-long tour of a certain area that he was passionate about for a mere $15. I struggled with my errands because the medication had taken effect, and I was weak. Yet in all things, I was able to smile, and I truly did enjoy the little bit of me-time I had. The little journey had done me a world of good, and to the uncle who would never see this, thanks for the ride.  A middle aged man just knocked on the door of my office seeking a job, thinking that he had reached a job placement agency.
I said no, and apologised because I know he had come a long way - with an office in such an ulu location, man, you can be sure it was a lot of trouble.
He dressed simply - a collar shirt that couldn't have cost more than $30, I reckon, matched with a plain belt & pants plus rounded plain dress shoes that wouldn't have looked out of place in my father's shoe cupboard ...
His person matched his dressing. Nice and genteel he was, with eyes that spoke volumes. You could see the earnestness in his eyes, but with flickers of pain darting out ever so often... and so it was. He had been retrenched from his managerial position despite having worked so hard for so many years (in the same company, perhaps, based on the conversation). Now laid off, he is doing whatever he can, briefcase in hand.
Gently, he asked me questions about the company and the vacancies. We are seeking a project executive, I told him. He nodded, asking me more.
He with plenty of academic qualifications and a solid background was willing to descend to the level of an executive. I wonder how badly the times had hit this gentleman .. Even an executive position would be enough for him. Oh, the resolve and the willingness to bite the bullet in such grace ... humbling indeed.
Not that I don't know about the woes of the recession, but when you see someone so simple and kind humbly seeking for a job somewhere, just about anywhere, willing to do almost anything ... it gets to you.
And it serves as a stark reminder that all who employed really, truly, should be thankful in this tough time.
I don't know what else to say. 1. Staying focused and undistracted is a matter of what you don't do.
2. Focus is essential when it comes to realising your dream. Now that's discipline.
3. You can't run a course when looking at others. Therefore be like those horses with blinders - look straight ahead, focusing on your own path.
4. Obedience always calls for courage, trust and faith.
5. Faith is taking a first step without knowing where the next will bring you to. If you could see exactly where you were going, faith wouldn't be necessary now, would it?
6. Journeys of faith are the most exciting. Presumably because you don't know where you are going. Most scary too, I suppose.
7. You only need a steering wheel when you are moving. Similarly, guidance comes only when you start moving. Who on earth needs directions when you are stationary? Seriously, its quite pointless.
And with that, my week commences. I watched New Moon yesterday, and figured out why Twilight is so big - because of the depiction of love - the sensitive soul who is apparently gentlemanly and romantic, and the steadfast one who loves, more of a ... I don't know.
I felt bad for the poor dude, actually - it really stinks when you love someone who loves someone else.
It happened once to me, and the dude in question ... he let me go with all grace and kindness. It broke my heart to hurt him, but I was absolutely touched by the fact he cared for me enough to let me go in such manner.
This is probably why these sorta things sting me. It is never nice nor easy to have to choose. But apparently a lot of people love the idea ... why so, that is beyond me. Is it because you get to feel extremely wanted? -.-"
The point of this post, however, is not to lament on any of the above. Those were random thoughts. The important point, however, is this:
You can't really see her full outfit here, but you get a vague idea. That's Alice, the happy vampire as portrayed by Ashley Greene. In the scenes in Italy as seen in the picture above, she's decked out in this gorgeous scarf, trench coat, has sunnies that I wish would fit my face but probably end up covering more than half.... and a gorgeous car. Hahaha.
My goodness, she really was the bright spot in the movie for me. I loved seeing the outfits and the styling! So very pretty, really. The friendship and bond is nice to see, what a great breather from and the romance going on.
Plus she is a chirpy happy soul, and I love people like that. It was nicely translated via her outfits too. Some of them are really gorgeous. Like this one!
I love the way they styled her hair in that picture. And oh, this one is rather neat too! The scarf is pretty. I saw a shawl with similar tones the other day.
The one below is also quite nice, but I know the colours and layers aren't very me.
The picture above is more Angela than me, but its nice hey? I'd love to channel some of the style influence into my wardrobe but I've been shopping so much recently I think I have helped to increase Singapore's GDP above and beyond. Oops.
Quite like the hairstyle too; this year has been the year of a short crop for me. Next year is going to be slightly longer, I suppose.
OK, enough of raving over fashion and hairstyles. I can't believe such a long post has come out of a gorgeous on-screen wardrobe. I think I'd better get down to work. Like now.
It screams:
WHAT WERE YOU GIFTED TO DO?
I am trying to figure out what else I am gifted at besides shopping. Hmm. Ten Things I Learnt on Tuesday: - Clarity is needed.
- Creativity and Creative Talents are completely different.
- Wisdom is to know what you need to do. Creativity is how you do what you need to do.
- Faithful in the little, faithful in the big, faithful in what belongs to others ...
- Your dream may not come to pass as you expected. Obviously I hope it comes to pass better than I imagined.
- I absolutely need to be disciplined in being faithful so that I can get to where I want to go.
- And there needs to be acceptance of who one is before the dream comes to pass.
- Heart matters will be dealt with in due course.
- I just need to be me.
- Happy are those who are in the house of God. I certainly am happy. And I hope the people will all be happy too.
I am so glad that I went for the session with one of my favourite authors, Holly Wagner, and her husband, Philip Wagner.
And I am also glad at how the evening panned out - we sent Clara to the MRT, had a good chitchat session with Wen before dropping her off, tucked in to awesome supper at Chomp Chomp with Di...
... and get this, shopping past midnight at a place of a girl called Kitty.
Shopping way past midnight! Billy said it had to be the ultimate of shopping. I agree. Kitty is happy. So are Di and I.
God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.
I am now thinking of doing a high-tea swop session. Hmm don't know if that would work! The 3 words that sound the death knell for a foodie:
"You can't eat."
How my heart sank when the doc late Friday night told me that I wouldn't be able to drink nor eat because my body wasn't taking to food very well. It was really sudden and abrupt, and his words broke my heart.
Even worse was the recovery game plan. Which sounded really like a game. I would have to start from nothing, and then work my way up to the top ...
Stage 1: Water - and he specifically said SIPS of water. Shakes head.
Stage 2: Clear BROTH. Sigh.
Stage 3: Soup
Stage 4: Porridge
Stage 5: Solid food - no oily, fried, spicy, greasy ...
Stage 6: Food in all its goodness and forms!
I was so miserable, would you believe it, I wept when I was about to sleep. The pain was bad, but being relegated to Stage 0 and having to advance all the way up ... the thought was more than enough to crush every fibre of my being.
Mum decided sips of water were not enough, so she had porridge water prepared. And then I got hungry. REALLY hungry. Billy tried to talk me out of it but I absolutely needed food. So Mum prepared soup. Skipped 2 stages. AND I SURVIVED even though I felt like crap. Yay.
I gleefully jumped onto Stage 4 last night with Teochew mui ... Solid food never tasted that good! And today, I hopped onto Stage 5. Bread! Oh thank goodness for bread.
Man shall not live by bread alone, says the Bible. Well, said one wise sage, that's why we have sandwiches!
I completely agree.
And so now it is that I am praying hard that I can go to Stage 6 soon. SOON.
This game is not amusing, but God has been good, Mum & Billy have been supportive, and I have absolutely terribly lame friends who crack jokes about my "condition" but who still make me smile nonetheless.
My Saturday was ruined with my stomach pains, but Sunday was awesome. Today was OK.
I can't wait to see what tomorrow and the rest of the week brings.
December here we go....!
A lot of the heartache and joys stem from the relationships dearest to us, I have concluded, after attempting to write something for the past few minutes to no avail.
That's what happens when you open your heart to love. Its all part and parcel, par the course.
When you realise hurt is par the course and learn to let go so as to open your heart to new experiences, only then can you go on to really love more.
Live and let live, so they say.
I just think its most important not to close your heart up if you get hurt once. Yes, be careful, but don't shut yourself up.
There's always sunshine after the rain, and so there is now (:
I hope the sunshine for my friend who is experiencing dark days will come through soon enough.
On a seperate note, I had a mini birthday festival for Billy - celebrated it a whopping three times! Haha, 'twas good fun surprising him, although the last surprise didn't exactly come as a surprise 'cause he started sniffing around.
(:
I received this email, and it resounded in my heart so I decided to put it here as a note to myself.
I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.
The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.
Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.'
The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.
I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.
Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.
We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.
I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.
As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.
As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'
His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.
He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.
The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.
I held my tears as I stood there with them.
The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted..
He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).
Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.
That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.
I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.
I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand.
He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.'
I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.'
I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope..'
We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.
We are not church goers, but we are believers.
That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.
I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.
I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it.
Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?'
I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.
She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.
In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son,the instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.
I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:
UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. It is a true story and I know for myself that unconditional acceptance (and thereby, love) can make the world of a difference, can heal the hurts that have languished in their heart ... how powerful it is. (: This is further encouragement for me to grow as a person. And it makes me proud to know that my parents are as such. My heart sings a quiet song, and out of it I find myself being thankful and content. I am at work, but it feels like I am living in a bubble.
I am thankful, I really am, for the life that I have lived, and for that which is to come.
Life may not be easy, but I trust in Jesus.
I had a beautiful but busy Sunday yesterday. First was the long walk out... beautiful day to take a walk, I say. And then came church, which was ever so lovely.
The afternoon was sheer madness - in the sweltering heat we played Captain's ball at East Coast, and barefoot at that. My ankles hurt because of that, but I had so much fun with the people I wouldn't exchange it for the world.
And then came my very first eating competition with Ivan. The foods I liked were all at the latter stages; the earlier stages were yogurt and persimmon, which I don't like. I've never chomped down so much bread at one shot in my entire life, but I think I did okay.
Gulping down a 1 litre bottle of coke was crazy, but with I and Di, it was fun. I discovered exactly where my stomach was that day because of the gas that couldn't stop bouncing around my tummy... what a revelation.
In the evening was what I call affectionately the Kampung match because the guys were facing each other. Competitive, crazy, but lots of fun.
And then there was one.
We have two months to go till the end of the year. Nothing phenomenal has happened this year, except a lot of learning, growing, and discovery.
There are so many things I've learnt this year, too many to list. But I think the greatest of them all is to live in quietness and trust with Jesus.
May it be so forever and always.
Looking forward to seeing what the rest of 2009 holds! 'twas a good day yesterday. Billy and I were both on leave! After sending Ben off at the airport we weren't really too sure what to do... and we ended up going to Wild Wild Wet!
It was great to have a day just to relax and unwind, and to just be. I think we all need days like that, really. And I realised how he does think for me and try to take care of me, and for that I am grateful.
: )
The respite was good... and today it was back to work. Somehow people around me seem to be in fierce battles and facing tough storms in life, my father's storm probably the greatest of them all.
I have faith, though, that we will overcome them all. Its not those kind of "yeah we'll get through it" but more like a small, quiet, solid belief that we will.
There are also the numerous question marks that loom over heads, and I hope the answers will be found soon.
As for me... well... I'm not waging any battles, but just living in quietness and trust.
Learn to abase, learn to abound. Learn to live and let live, learn to flourish even in dry season.
As long as thou art planted by the river, the scorching heat will not kill thee. Will affect, will be annoying for certain, but thou shalt flourish.
And in human terms, lets hope this doesn't mean putting on weight. My grandmother says I put on a bit of weight. Hah. At the rate I've been eating ice cream, I'm not surprised.
: ) life may not be a bed of rsoes, but its fine. People say that daisies are weeds, but I quite like daisies.
Tis enough for now. Goodnight! Till next time.... whenever next time is!
| |
